Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize