Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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