So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
