If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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