i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no, he came in my armpit
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize