..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
