Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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