Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
