if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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