i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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