Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
