what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
