Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
