I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
