The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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