I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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