How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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