The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
