you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
