you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
