Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Four minutes until I can fart!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
