I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
