I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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