We're like a lot better than the average bears
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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