If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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