I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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