We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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