What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
