you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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