someone threw a dead crab at me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
