Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
