Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
not ubering you a puppy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize