he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
