I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
