At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
