i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
