I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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