I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
