K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
