Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
