her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
