I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize