Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This baby is an asshole
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
