I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
