i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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