I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
