She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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