apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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