It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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