So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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