Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize