I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
