I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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