she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
