My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
