im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
