As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize