Moan for me like Helen Keller
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize