Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
