speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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