My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
