Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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