All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
