that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
