just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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