Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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