i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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