I smell stomach acid.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
