My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
