If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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