i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
