...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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