You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
