Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
