What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
