what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
