When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
