i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
