I think my vagina is haunted
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
