I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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