I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
