Little spoons don't ask big questions
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
