the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
