Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
