Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
