My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
