i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
