i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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