u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
