i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
