Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Two words: nipple clamps
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