I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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