It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
