Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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