I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
