FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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