I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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