i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
