k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
