I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
