it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
