Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the day after is always just damage control
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
