My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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