A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize