ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
